The Hampshire Sexperts

Welcome to the Hampshire College Sexperts Blog!

This here is a forum for YOU, dear community member, to ask any and all questions you may have about sex, sexuality, relationships, sex...
Submit your questions (anonymously or not) whenever you want! They'll be answered as soon as possible by the Hampshire College Sexperts.

The Sexperts will also be using this site to announce community events and share links/resources/additional information we think you'll enjoy. Do you have something sex-related YOU'D like to share? DO IT! Just PLEASE keep your comments respectful and nonjudgmental.

The Sexperts are a group of peer educators, not medical professionals. While we'll always answer questions to the best of our ability, we'll also be honest in recommending professional advice when we feel it's appropriate.

Thoughts? Feedback? Suggestions? Questions about the Sexperts? You can also email us at HampshireSexperts@gmail.com!
Recent Tweets @
Asker Anonymous Asks:
I'm curious, how is wearing more than one condom dangerous? I can't seem to think of any reasons.
thehampshiresexperts thehampshiresexperts Said:

Wearing more than one condom at the same time doesn’t provide any added benefit in protection, it actually increases the risk of breakage!

Two condoms rubbing against one another causes friction which can make one or both of them to break more easily. 

If you use condoms correctly, they are extremely effective in preventing pregnancy and some STIs. That being said - make sure you’re using them correctly! Here’s a video by Planned Parenthood about how to use a condom: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=EdSq2HB7jqU

And if you’re still worried about pregnancy, try using a backup method such as the pill or an IUD :)

Asker Anonymous Asks:
I'm male-bodied person who has regular issues with premature ejaculation. How do I deal with this?
thehampshiresexperts thehampshiresexperts Said:

First of all, premature ejaculation is totally normal, and happens to many folks when they masturbate or engage in intercourse. You might find it helpful to try the “stop and start” method to practice, which involves masturbating for a bit, then stopping, then starting again; this may help to foster bodily control. If you’re with a partner, this can be a really sexy interaction to have. 

As a side note, wearing a condom (which you should always do — protection is vital!) can help to desensitize sexual interaction, which may help to prolong the time before ejaculation. Never wear more than one condom at a given time — even if it does help to make you last longer, it is highly unsafe. 

Asker Anonymous Asks:
How do you recommend women keep their genitals fresh and clean without any unnatural products?
thehampshiresexperts thehampshiresexperts Said:

Great question! First, we’d like to quickly address the language of saying “women” instead of “female assigned” -  not everyone who identifies as a woman has a vagina/vulva, not everyone with a vulva/vagina is a woman!

In regards to keeping it fresh and clean, here are a few tips and tricks:

1. Bathe daily! Your vulva doesn’t need intense and abrasive scrubbing — some warm water should do the trick.

2. We do not recommend the use of any harsh or scented soap products (e.g. Doctor Bronner’s — it stings, or general scented body washes). The vagina isn’t supposed to smell like roses or vanilla bean, it’s supposed to smell like vagina, so don’t worry about that natural scent. We recommend using Cetaphil, which is generally used as a face wash, but it very gentle and good for washing any part of the body (Note: don’t ever put soap in your vagina/on your vulva! It can be highly irritating).

3. The vulva is a sensitive body part and should be treated with caution and care. Perfumed wipes are also not the best idea, as they too can cause irritation.

4. Douching, or cleansing your vagina with some mixture of water/vinegar/antiseptic, is really not a good idea. It messes with the PH balance of your vagina’s chemistry. 

5. Wear cotton/breathable underwear to allow your vulva to get some airflow.

Hope this helps :)

Asker Anonymous Asks:
I am a female-bodied in a monogamous relationship w/ a male-bodied person. We have been having sex regularly for 2 yrs. I have never been able to orgasm thru vaginal intercourse, but I have no problem reaching an orgasm thru oral sex. While I have emphasized to my partner that orgasm is not the most important part of sex to me, and while he enjoys performing oral, he wishes he could make me orgasm vaginally, and I would like to know what it's like. Is this normal? Is there anything I/we can do?
thehampshiresexperts thehampshiresexperts Said:

First of all - totally normal. At least 70% of women don’t orgasm from vaginal action alone (that is, no clitoral stimulation included). Though vaginal orgasms do happen and lots of people love them, clitoral orgasms are the most common sort.

However, this does not mean it’s not possible to have an orgasm during intercourse! Either you could try a few new things to stimulate your g-spot, or you could try some more clitoral stimulation during intercourse. Don’t feel frustrated if you aren’t able to orgasm without clitoral stimulation at this point. It’s a very normal thing. But also remember that the clitoris can be stimulated from the inside as well!

Some people find that clitoral and vaginal orgasms feel different, but some say they feel pretty much the same, so don’t feel like you’re missing out if you’re having great orgasms. Go Ask Alice has a good explanation of vaginal and clitoral orgasms here: http://goaskalice.columbia.edu/difference-between-clitoral-and-vaginal-orgasm

That being said, there are lots of fun positions and toys made to stimulate the g-spot and, often, the g-spot and the clitoris at the same time.

If toys are your thing, we recommend trying a “rabbit” style vibrator (http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Rabbit_vibrator) that will provide both clitoral and vaginal stimulation. There are also lots of toys made specifically to touch the g-spot. Look for ones that have a curve at the tip. You can find lots of quality nice-looking g-spot toys on the Fun Factory website (link at the bottom).

If you don’t normally, try getting on top during sex. Changing the angle might provide new sensations and if you want, you can more easily touch/rub your own clitoris if you’re the partner on top.

Here are some other positions you can try that might help you make orgasms happen during intercourse (I know, Cosmo…but we found this article informative and helpful): http://www.cosmopolitan.com/sex-love/tips-moves/sex-positions-that-help-women-orgasm#slide-1

Have fun figuring it out! And don’t stress if nothing changes. Even if you can’t orgasm vaginally now, you might be able to in the future. And you can still have great orgasms the way you normally do.

Sources:

http://rhrealitycheck.org/article/2008/07/15/get-real-the-great-noorgasmfromintercourse-conundrum/

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Rabbit_vibrator

http://www.funfactoryusa.com/

http://goaskalice.columbia.edu/difference-between-clitoral-and-vaginal-orgasm

http://www.cosmopolitan.com/sex-love/tips-moves/sex-positions-that-help-women-orgasm#slide-1

Asker Anonymous Asks:
I have heard that the longer you spend around gays the more likely you are to become one... thoughts?
thehampshiresexperts thehampshiresexperts Said:

yep. true 100%. stay away ;) ;) ;)

Asker Anonymous Asks:
so me (cisfemale) and my boyf (cismale) have been gettin' it on kinda roughly lately, which is leading to a lot of soreness on my part. sex hurts now, which really sucks, partially because we can't keep it in our pants long enough to give my poor vag a break. obviously there are other ways of getting it on but we really like plain ol' P-in-V sex. is there anything i can do to ease the soreness, or at least make it go away faster?
thehampshiresexperts thehampshiresexperts Said:

Thanks for your question! We have been hearing a lot of people complain of different kinds of pain during/after sex, and our biggest suggestion is lube, lube, lube! Even if you feel like you are naturally well-lubricated, lube never hurts and often reduces pain. Especially if you’re already sore, it’s a good idea to buy a lubricant that is natural and glycerin-free. If you’re in the Pioneer Valley, Oh My is a great local sex store with a wide variety of lube. You might want to ask one of the employees there (or at your local sex store) about a lube that will fit your needs.

Even if P-in-V sex is your favorite, you might try taking a break from that by only having oral sex or another type of sex for a few days. There are so many ways to have sex, we guarantee there are other methods you’ll enjoy!

Asker Anonymous Asks:
Hey! Y'all rock, btw. I'm a cisgender female, and I've been with my cisgender male boyfriend for a while. He recently told me that he's never really masturbated, when he was not sleeping with anyone. We have amazing sex and he has plenty of drive, so I'm not really worried about it. The weird thing is that i can't find anyone on the internet talking about males who don't masturbate. Lots of people say that all men masturbate. We know that's not true, so what's up with that?
thehampshiresexperts thehampshiresexperts Said:

Hey!  Thanks for writing.  You’re right in that there’s definitely nothing strange happening with y’all.  You make a great point about the internet/  culture not recognizing variety within sexuality, especially with regards to the idea that all men always want all sorts of sexual stimulation at all times.  As you said, we know this isn’t true.  Just because your partner’s sexual practices aren’t represented on the internet doesn’t mean anything’s wrong, and doesn’t mean he’s the only one.  Far from it.  Our lived experiences can get lost amongst sexual stereotypes really easily, and it’s great that you’re aware that your experience is totally normal.

Asker Anonymous Asks:
I'm attending Hampshire as well in the fall and I gotta say your answer about monogamous relationships not being super common sort of scared me, (not that I am opposed to anything else, I believe people should be able to be in love with who they want to be in love with) I just don't participate in the hook-up culture or one of polygamy and I'm suddenly scared in being such a small minority. Will I not meet other just wanting to date simply me? (I realistically know you can't answer this. Sorry)
thehampshiresexperts thehampshiresexperts Said:

Tiny correction: The word we used was polyamory, not polygamy. They connote very different things.

We did not mean to imply that people interested in monogamy are a “small minority” at Hampshire. Though we have not surveyed the whole school about their relationship and sexual preferences, we think it’s safe to say that many, many students have an interest in dating one partner at a time. You will probably find that lots of Hampshire students don’t want to engage in hook up culture either. It’s just a matter of finding folks on the same wavelength.

Thinking about what college will be like comes with worries for everyone, but try not to stress! There are lots of people with varied interests at Hampshire. Also, don’t forget there are four other schools in the consortium with thousands of college students for potential friends/dates/lovers/partners/whatever. :)

Asker Anonymous Asks:
If a male bodied person is having vaginal intercourse with a female bodied person, and the male bodied person is wearing a condom, if the f.b.p is not on birth control, is it still safe enough, or should they seek out some other form of contraception as well as the condom?
thehampshiresexperts thehampshiresexperts Said:

"Safe enough" is not a universal standard, so we can’t give you a definite answer for that.  Generally speaking, it’s better to have a back-up method (like the pill, the patch, IUD, abstaining from intercourse during fertile days, etc) in case the condom fails for some reason.  When using condoms correctly, the efficacy rate for pregnancy prevention is about 98%… but perfect use is not often the reality, and the efficacy rate falls to around 85% when you account for user error. It’s probably a good idea to for these people to have a conversation about their approach to preventing pregnancy. Contraception is great, but no method (except constant abstinence) is 100% guaranteed. If the female assigned person feels comfortable, they might want to keep a dose of Plan B on hand in case the condom does break. This is a good compromise if they’re wanting to avoid regular (as in daily, monthly, or more long term) birth control methods. Ultimately, this is something only these two people can decide. The person whose body has the capacity to get pregnant might also look into making an appointment with an OB/GYN or Planned Parenthood to discuss their options.

Here’s a good place to start exploring: http://www.plannedparenthood.org/health-topics/birth-control-4211.htm

so uhh…. this exists… :O

"In testing, some men found it intimidating, and were not willing to insert their penis into the device, opting to test it on their finger instead. The applicator emitted a loud hissing sound upon use, potentially "killing the mood." "